"On the--I believe you call them 'on ramps,' if I'm not mistaken--on the 'on ramp,' I came to a dead halt. I know now that I should have kept my momentum up. I did not. I was stopped by a highway patrolman, who asked for my driver's license. Examined it. My real name is Christopher Lee. Also, I look a great deal like myself. He looked at the license. At me. Must have been a Dracula fan. Said: 'Should you be driving by daylight?'"
We have, I told Slim Pickens, a mutual friend. His name is Clair Huffaker. I did not have to tell Slim Pickens that Clair Huffaker is a renowned author of Western novels and screenplays, and that he has written everything from potboilers about life on the range to a memoir called "One Time I Saw Morning Come Home" that will bring tears to your eyes, it is so good.
"CLAIR HUFFAKER!" whispered Slim Pickens. "WHY, HE'S ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD," he continued.
I will pause now to supply some inside Hollywood gossip, before continuing with the story. Slim Pickens really does talk like Slim Pickens.
Clair told me, I said, to ask you about the peace pipe.
"That woman he was married to," Slim Pickens said, "was SOMETHING. Shot off a machine gun into the ceiling during a party. Clair took off for my spread out in the valley to get hisself together, but after a week he was PINING for her again. Wanted to send her a greeting card with an INJUN on it with a peace pipe.
"'Hell, Clair,' I said, 'SEND YOURSELF!!' So I hitched up my horse trailer to my old station wagon and put my Palomino inside, and Clair rented hisself an injun suit and a peace pipe. We pull up outside his house, we saddle up the pony, he's in the injun suit, he lights up the pipe, and up he rides to the front door of his house to make peace with his wife.
"Me, I'm hiding in the BUSHES down by the street when the COPS pull up. They didn't have to think long before they asked me what the HE; I thought I was doing, not to mention Clair on the porch ringing the BELL with the PEACE PIPE. I had to explain. 'He LIVES here,' I said. 'And his wife is holdin' a PARADE'."
What's this movie about?
"MY LIPS ARE SEALED!"
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